Full Circle

I went to bed at 2am.

After tossing and turning in my bed for a while, I turned to look at the clock. "Shit, it's 5'45 am already?!" And, you know what they say about the early bird getting the worm and all? Well, I hope they never find those worms and die of starvation! Those birds kept chirping outside my window and would not let me sleep. They were mocking me, I tell you. I don't know about you, but whenever I'm tossing and turning around in my bed, every sound is just magnified by 10 times and you can hear everything - the leaking faucet outside, the rustling trees, the beeping sound of the traffic lights 30 meters away...

I tried coercing myself to sleep. I tried counting sheeps, dogs, cats - you name it - but I just couldn't drift off into dreamland. My mind is phasing out right now, but my body just refuses to go to sleep. Arghh.. WHY!!!???

Was it the can of Pepsi I had at 11pm?

Was it the Macroeconomics I stuffed my brain with today and also for the past few days? Who agrees with me that when you have too much information in your head, you'll find it hard to sleep.

Or, is it just my mind and body coming to a full circle - a circle of sleepless nights for the past few weeks and months. Maybe my body and mind's thinking, "Hey...Monday's your final exam! So, just before you pull through the past month and a half of relentless studying and preparations(and second year of uni), you're gonna have one final sleepless night this year just to mark the occasion."

Seriously, is there such a thing?

But, it does make one think.

As I look back, in hindsight and in contemplation, I feel like I've indeed come to a full circle. *I know, I know...It's not even New Year's eve yet and I'm already doing the whole "in hindsight and contemplation thing" *

I wanted to do a "5 facts that you may not know about Daniel" post somewhere. But, I think I'll do a "5 facts I dislike about myself" and "5 facts I like about myself" post instead and that will sort of tie in with everything else.

5 facts I like about myself:

1) I can sing in tune.
Yes, I do enjoy the fact that I can carry a tune without having to worry that the person standing next to me secretly wishes to kill me for singing out of tune.

2) I can speak and write good English (when I want to).
That pretty much speaketh for itself.

3) I love the outdoors.
I'll prefer running and playing outside over staying in the house anyday! I am totally not the video/computer game kind of person. Some people can and will enjoy handling a joystick(wait, do people even use joysticks anymore?) and playing some animated game for the whole day. I respect those people who can kill a hundred people on Counterstrike or win a racing game. But, I'd much rather put on a pair of exercise wear, get my heart pumping and sweat my arse off on a tennis/badminton court or just by jogging.

4) I can speak and write Mandarin (although maybe not as good as I want to).
I thank my parents for sending me to a school where I could learn Mandarin. I think, at this day and age, it's pertinent to know Mandarin. Not merely because of the whole "China is gonna be the next world superpower" thing. But, plainly because I cherish my roots and culture. 10 or 20 years down the road, I want to be able raise my children without having to worry that they will know nothing of the Chinese culture. That being said, I do not advocate occultic fervency for that one culture. Coming from a country like Malaysia and having the opportunity to study in Australia makes me a strong proponent of multiculturalism. I relish in the opportunity to expose my mind to new cultures.

5) I can lead.
Again, this is something I thank my parents for. My growing-up years spent in church and in the Youth group have been nothing but a blessing to me. To quote what many "pastors" and "aunties" say, "The church and the youth group is a great breeding ground of leaders" (Or something to that effect). I totally agree. I believe that, if not for the opportunity to lead worship sessions, cell groups and working in the Youth Committee for all those years, I would not have been as good a leader as I am today. I'm not saying that I will be the next Obama or anything. But, yes, I am proud of the fact that I can speak up in group when others would just cringe at the thought of it.

5 facts I dislike about myself:

1) I am short, prone to acne breakouts, have to wear spectacles, and have really straight hair (like "moptop" straight).
Other than that, I'm like a Greek God statue. No, not really. :P

2) I am competitive.
I know this is supposed to be a desirable quality. But, somehow I have a love-hate (more towards 'hate') relationship with this. As I mentioned earlier, I am thankful that my parents sent me to a Chinese school. But, notice that I did not specifically mention "Chung Ling High School". I mean, I liked the good facilities, teachers(uhm.. some of them), and the reputation that came with the school. But, I do not necessarily enjoy the culture entrenched in that school. I think that 5 years in that school has made me OVERLY competitive. It has come to a point where I constantly have to beat everyone at everything I do, all the time. I can get depressed just thinking of all the people who did or are doing better than me. It's as if I cannot rest until I am at the top of my game. I just can't make due with getting a mere 'pass' in my exams when that's what most students at uni are trying to do. That is why I get really disappointed and depressed when I do not achieve what I want to.

I don't think it's just the school that made me this way. My parents have contributed to this in some way too. Ever since I could remember, my mum would always push(more like 'force') me to participate in all sorts of competitions. Other than a beauty contest(because of the physical qualities I complained of above), I think I have participated in every competition imaginable(drawing and colouring, story-telling, singing, writing, mathematics, ping pong and etc). I mean, c'mon, I don't even play ping pong! And, my dad would enter me into every tennis tournament possible just to see me slog it out under the searing Malaysian noon sun and losing (that explains my dark skin colour).

3) I am sensitive.
Everything is desirable as long as it's not in excess. When someone says something to/about me, even when it's not a huge deal, my mind will just extrapolate from the things they said, and come to a negative implication about myself.

Also, I'm a wimp when it comes to conflicts and confrontations. Whenever and if ever I get into a little squabble with someone, I will almost always concede "defeat" and allow the other person to take the high road. Living off my parents and having to deal with people (classmates, housemates, and mates in general) has exemplified this.

4) I am selfish.
If being selfless is totally abandoning your own interests and placing everyone else above you, then I reckon everyone is selfish, to some extent.

5) I am totally random.